How to RESIST UNDUE INFLUENCE Index

Spotting Logical Fallacies and Propaganda Techniques

(List of common fallacies used by spiritually abusive systems to enhance thought reform)

Robert Cialdini on Resisting Influence

(Review of the “Weapons of Influence” defined by Cialdini to help you resist manipulation)

George Simon’s TACTICS OF MANIPULATION

(Excerpts from “In Sheep’s Clothing.” A review of common tactics used by manipulators to help you identify how covertly aggressive individuals typically behave.)

Harriet Braiker on Resisting Influence

(Excerpts from “Who’s Pulling Your Strings” and the Chapter entitled “Seven Keys to Resist Manipulation”)

More from George Simon on Resisting Influence

(More excerpts from “In Sheep’s Clothing” discussing tools of empowerment and helpful realizations to help you resist manipulation.)

Dr. Z’s List of Helpful Hints

(Philip Zimbardo’s list of helpful ideas to help you resist unwanted influence and covert manipulation.)

Michael Persinger on Resisting Influence

(Excerpts from the Chapter of “First Order Protections” against cultic manipulation from his book “TM and Cult Mania”)

Conference Survival Skills

(How the conference environment can be overwhelming for participants, can predispose a person to easy manipulation, and measures a person can take to resist undue influence and manipulation in this setting.)

Robert Cialdini on RESISTING INFLUENCE

From the Lucifer Effect Website

Prepared by Philip Zimbardo and Cindy X. Wang

Cialdini’s Principles of Social Influence

aving begun to understand the impetus of social influence, we now move on to the better delineated principles of influence studied by social psychologist Robert Cialdini.

Cialdini is a renowned social psychologist that has done extensive research on the domains in which social influence is most powerful. The following principles play on fundamental human instincts and can be exploited both intentionally and unintentionally by professional influence agents.

Many of these may seem like obvious tactics that advertisers and influence agents will utilize to sway our opinion. However, when we are not prepared to scrutinize and resist them, these principles will often work subliminally and quite powerfully. Thus, an important part of resisting these common influence tactics is awareness of their fundamental operating principles, contexts in which they are most easily provoked, and the best methods to avoid falling prey to them.

We hope that by learning about these principles of persuasion, you will be better able to recognize the situations you are in that may lead to act against your will and then to have the tools to resist unwanted social influence. There are six basic principles, and each one is set in a specific Context. When you are aware of the Context, or the behavioral Setting, you will better recognize the principal at work, when you see the principal operating, you will understand the Context in which it is embedded

1. Reciprocity
2. Commitment and Consistency
3. Social Proof
4. Liking
5. Authority
6. Scarcity

©2006-2009, Philip G. Zimbardo

George Simon's "TACTICS OF MANIPULATION"

Excerpts from

“In Sheep’s Clothing:

Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People”

By George K. Simon, Jr, PhD

Definition of Terms: See this previous post

Abusive, Manipulative Realtionships

(Pg 69)

Covert-aggressives use a variety of ploys to keep their partners in a subordinate position in relationships. Of course, it takes two people to make a relationship work and each party must assume responsibility for their own behavior. But covert-aggressives are often so expert at exploiting the weaknesses and emotional insecurities of other s that almost anyone can be duped. Persons in abusive relationships with covert-aggressives are often initially seduced by their smooth-talking, outwardly charming ways. By the time they realize their partner’s true character, they’ve usually put a significant emotional investment into trying to make the relationship work. This makes it very hard to simply walk away.

Recognizing the Tactics of Manipulation and Control

(Pgs 91 -113)

All Character disordered individuals, especially aggressive personalities, use a variety of mental behaviors and interpersonal maneuvers to help ensure they get what they want. The behaviors soon to be enumerated win this chapter simultaneously accomplish several things that can lead to victimization.

First, they help to conceal the aggressive intent of the person using them.

Secondly, their use frequently puts others on the defensive.

Thirdly, their habitual use reinforces the user’s dysfunctional but preferred way of dealing with the world. They obstruct any chance that the aggressor will accept and submit to an important social principle at stake, and thus change their ways.

Lastly, because most people don’t know how to correctly interpret the behaviors, they are effective tools to exploit, manipulate, abuse and control others.

If you’re one of those persons more familiar with traditional psychological models, you may tend to view a person using one of these behaviors as being “on the defensive.” But viewing someone who’s in the act of aggressing as being defensive in any sense is a major set-up for victimization. Recognizing that when a person uses the behaviors soon to be described is primarily a person on the offensive mentally prepares you for the decisive action you might need to take to avoid getting run over.

Covert-aggressive individuals are especially adept at using these tactics to conceal their aggressive intent while simultaneously throwing their opponents on the defensive. This increases the chances that they will get their way and gain advantage over their victims. Sometimes, a tactic is used in isolation. However, a good manipulator will often throw so many of these at you at once that you might not really realize how badly you’ve been manipulated until it’s too late.

· Minimization

The disturbed character frequently trivializes the nature of his wrongdoing. Manipulators do this to make a person who might confront them feel they’ve been overly harsh in their criticism or unjust in their appraisal of a situation.

· Lying

Consider also “lying by omission

· Denial

The tactic of denial is not primarily a “defense” but a maneuver the aggressor uses to get others to back off, back down or maybe even feel guilty themselves for insinuating he’s doing something wrong.

· Selective Inattention

This is when aggressors actively ignore the warnings, pleas or wishes of others, and, in general, refuse to pay attention to everything or anything that might distract them from pursuing their agenda.

· Rationalization

A rationalization is an excuse an aggressor makes for engaging in what they know is an inappropriate or harmful behavior. It can be an effective tactic, especially when the explanation or justification the aggressor offers makes just enough sense that any reasonably conscientious person is likely to fall for it. It is a powerful tactic because it not only serves to remove any internal resistance the aggressor might have about doing what they want to do (quieting any qualms of conscience they might have) but also to keep others off their back. If the aggressor can convince you they’re justified in whatever they’re doing, then they’re freer to pursue their goals without interference.

· Diversion

A moving target it harder to hit. When we try to pin manipulators down or try to keep a discussion focused on a single issue or behavior we don’t like, they’re expert at knowing how to change the subject, dodge the issue or in some way throw us a curve.

· Evasion

Closely related to diversion, this is a tactic by which a manipulator tries to avoid being cornered on an issue by giving rambling, irrelevant responses to a direct question or otherwise trying to skirt an issue. A subtle but effective form of evasion is the deliberate use of vagueness.

· Covert Initmidation

Aggressors frequently threaten their victims to keep them anxious, apprehensive and in a one-down position. They are adept at countering arguments with such passion and intensity that they effectively throw their opponents on the defensive. Covert-aggressive personalities primarily intimidate their victims by making veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats. This way, they throw others on the defensive without appearing overtly hostile or initimidating.

· Guilt-tripping

One thing that aggressive personalities know well is that other types of persons, especially neurotics, have very different consciences than they do. They also know that the hallmark qualities of a shound conscience are the capacities for guilt and shame. Manipulators are skilled at using what they know to be the greater conscientiousness of their victims as a means of keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position. The more conscientious the potential victim, the more effective guilt is as a weapon.

· Shaming

This is a technique of using subtle sarcasm and put-downs as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to make others feel inadequate or unworthy, and therefore, defer to them. It is an effective way to foster a continued sense of personal inadequacy in the weaker party, thereby allowing an aggressor to maintain a position of dominance.

· Playing the Victim Role

This tactic involves portraying oneself as a victim of circumstance or someone else’s behavior in order to gain sympathy, evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Convince your victim that you’re suffering in some way, and they’ll try to relieve your distress. One vulnerability of the conscientious, sensitive and caring soul, is that it’s easy to pay on his or her sympathy.

· Vilifying the Victim

This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the tactic of playing the victim role. The aggressor uses this tactic to make it appear he is only responding (i.e. defending himself against) aggression on the part of the victim. It enables the aggressor to better put the victim on the defensive.

· Playing the Servant Role

Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agendas in the guise of service to a more noble cause. It’s a common tactic but difficult to recognize. By pretending to be working hard on someone else’s behalf, covert-aggressives conceal their own ambition, desire for power, and quest for a position of dominance over others.

· Seduction

Covert-aggressive personalities are adept at charming, praising, flattering or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and surrender their trust and loyalty… Appearing to be attentive to needs of approval, reassurance and a sense of being valued can be a manipulator’s ticket to incredible power over others.

· Projecting Blame

Aggressive personalities are always looking for a way to shift the blame for their aggressive behavior. Covert-aggressives are not only skilled at finding scapegoats, they’re expert at doing so in subtle, hard to detect ways.

· Feigning Innocence

This is when the manipulator tries to convince you that any harm they did was unintentional, or that they really didn’t do something that they’ve been accused of doing.

· Feigning Confusion

Closely related to feigning innocence, this tactic is when the manipulator acts like he doesn’t know what you’re talking about or is confused about an important issue you’re trying to bring to his attention.

· Brandishing Anger

A deliberate display of anger can be a very calculated and effective tool of intimidation, coercion and ultimately, manipulation. Moreover, when it comes to understanding aggressive personalities, it’s a mistake to think that anger necessarily precedes aggression… Aggressive personalities use overt displays of anger to intimidate and manipulate others. They’re not angry to start. They just want what they want, and they get angry when denied. Then, they’ll use whatever tactics will remove the obstacles in their way. Sometimes, the most effective tactic is brandishing sufficient emotional intensity and rage to shock another person into submission.

Excerpts from "In Sheeps Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People" by George K. Simon, Jr, PhD. Little Rock, AR: AI Christopher & Company. Original printing, November 1996; Ninth printing, September 2007.

Harriet Braiker on RESISTING INFLUENCE

From Harriet Braiker's

"Who's Pulling Your Strings"

Seven Keys to

Resist Manipulation

(Pgs 176 - 204)

Step 1: Playing for Time

Once you learn to build in time to think about your options, your sense of control will increase immediately… Notice that you are not asking permission… Take comfort in the fact that your feelings will change as your behavior changes. But you must do the behavior first, and your mind will follow.

Step 2: The Broken Record

It is critical that you do not become engaged in a conversation with the manipulator about why you need time, what you are going to think over, or when exactly you will be ready to respond and do what the manipulator wants. If you get pulled into this morass, you will lose control.

Acknowledge that you hear and understand the manipulator by accurately labeling the emotion or feeling that is being expressed. Repeat your play-for-time phrase just like a broken record.

You will not – and should not! – enter into an explanation, question-and-answer session, or discussion of any content of what the manipulator is saying.

Step 3: Desensitizing Anxiety, Fear and Guilt

To resist manipulation effectively, you must learn to tolerate some pretty uncomfortable feelings.

[You’ve got to buy the book for this extensive summary!]

Step 4: Labeling the Manipulation

As long as the silent contact between you and the manipulator remains in tact, the power of the manipulation will as well. However, when you disrupt the collusion and reveal the hidden agenda by clearly and directly labeling the interactions as manipulation, the power balance will realign in your direction.

Step 5: Disabling the Manipulation

To disable the manipulation, you need to state that you understand the manipulator’s goal, but that the manipulative tactic she is choosing to use will not work to accomplish that goal.

Step 6: Setting Your Terms

[Also explained in depth in the book!]

1.) Announce your intention.

2.) Teach the manipulator how you want to be treated.

3.) Establish clear boundaries and limits.

4.) Ask the manipulator to acknowledge that you have needs, values, opinions and preferences for your own behavior, that, while they many be different from his or hers, they are not bad or wrong.

5.) Tell the manipulator that you are hopeful that by setting limits and reestablishing your personal integrity, the overall quality of the relationship for both of you will improve.

Step 7: Compromising & Negotiating

While there is no compromise or negotiation of the tactics used by the manipulator, there needs to be healthy give and take on meeting your respective needs and preferences. As you will recall, a hard-core manipulator is only interested in serving his own interests and his own ends. Left to his own devices, the manipulator will not automatically be looking out for what you need or desire.

"To Resist or Leave, That is the Question"

(Pgs 172 - 175)

If you are caught in a web of interpersonal manipulation, your immediate goal is to stop participating as a compliant victim who yields to pressure and capitulates to insidious, coercive or unfair tactics of control. There are two approaches to this goal: Resistance and/or Extraction (leaving the relationship altogether). In a turn of the tables, both approaches comprise the countercontrol that you will now exercise over the manipulator....

You will do this by inserting a period of time between the manipulator’s request or demand and your response.

Resistance

When you resist manipulative pressure successfully, you recalibrate the power balance in the relationship. You must realize that this shift in the power equation inevitably will alter the relationship and the behavior of both parties involved. Do not be afraid of this change...

Since you will initiate the changes and will hold your ground, the manipulator can choose either to adapt to your lead or else remain stuck in a strategy that no longer works, at least as far as the relationship with you is concerned. You must keep your eye on the prize: By remaining clearly “on message” – that the old manipulative methods will no longer effectively work to control you – you can reclaim your freedom, autonomy, self-respect, integrity, and self-esteem. This is absolutely a battle worth fighting and winning...

And many manipulative personalities – particularly those that comprise full-blown personality disorders, as discussed previously – simply do not and will not change....

For such individuals, manipulation of others is their modus operandi – their immutable way of functioning. When you proclaim your independence from manipulation by effectively resisting coercion and pressure, the manipulator’s response simply may be to change partners and continue dancing. If you will not play the game, the manipulator will find a more vulnerable target who will....

Remember, manipulators use manipulation because it works.

Stop helping them.

Extraction

There are worse consequences than leaving or losing a relationship altogether. Certainly losing yourself in the fog of manipulation – losing sight of who you are and what you value, need and believe – would be a truly dire outcome. Remaining a victim of manipulation, diminishing your self-respect or integrity, and losing your self-esteem are far too high a price to pay for holding onto the elusive or illusory security that such a relationship may represent.

Finally – and this is important – if your willingness to be manipulated costs you a relationship,

What did you really have in the first place?

George Simon on RESISTING INFLUENCE

Excerpts from

“In Sheep’s Clothing:

Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People”

By George K. Simon, Jr, PhD

Definition of Terms:

Disordered Character Personalities (pg 18): Character-disordered personalities lack self-restraint when it comes to acting upon their primal urges. They’re not bothered enough by what they do and have too little conscience, unlike neurotics who also have difficulty with self restraint.

Aggressive Personalities (pg 24): Those who take charge of getting their needs met and resist depending on the supports of others who consist of two types: One able to conform his conduct well enough to function in society and the other unable to abide by the rule of law. (Based upon the writings of Theodore Milton).

Covert-Aggressive Personality (pg 27-29): Covert-aggressives have many unique attributes that make them a truly distinct type of aggressive personality, primarily by the way they fight. They fight for what they want and seek power over others in subtle, cunning and underhanded ways. They deceive themselves about their true character and their covertly-aggressive conduct. To the degree that they are character disordered, the more they actively attempt to deceive only their intended victims. Some personality theorists have proposed that the cardinal quality of the covert-aggressive or the manipulative personality is that they derive an inordinate sense of exhilaration from pulling the wool over the eyes of their victims.

These are their major attributes:

· Want to have their way or “win”

· Seek power and dominance over others, wanting to always be one-up and in control.

· Deceptively civil, charming and seductive; They know how to “look good” and how to win you over by “melting” your resistance

· Unscrupulous, underhanded and vindictive fighters; capitalize on weaknesses and will intensify aggression if they sense you are faltering

· Uniquely impaired consciences

· Abusive and exploitive in interpersonal relations

Redefining the Terms of Engagement

(Pgs 115 – 137)

It’s impossible to deal effectively with anybody when you start out in a one-down position. So, if you want to avoid being victimized by covert-aggression, or any aggression for that matter, you must move quickly to redefine the terms of engagement…

Three Primary Means of Redefining the Terms:

· Letting Go of Harmful Misconsceptions

They don’t act the same way, and, as years of research has confirmed, they don’t even think the same way… They don’t share the same world-view or code of conduct. They’re also not influenced or motivated by the same things. In fact, much of what we’ve been taught about why and how most people behave simply doesn’t apply to aggressive personalities.

· Becoming a Better Judge of Character

Anyone wanting to reliably avoid victimization needs to identify the people in their life with aggressive and covertly aggressive personality traits… In the parable from which the title of this book is taken, Jesus says “by their fruits you shall know them.”

· Knowing Yourself Better

Any manipulator’s real leverage is in knowing the character of his victim well enough to know how that person will likely respond to the tactics he uses… The more you know about yourself and your own vulnerabilities, the more leverage you gain in your dealings with them.

When examining your own character, here are some important things to look for:

1. Naivete’

2. Over-conscientiousness

3. Low self-confidence

4. Over-intellectualization

5. Emotional dependency

Knowing What To Expect and What To Do

You can expect manipulators to throw at you whatever it takes to gain advantage over you. Know all the tactics by heart. Watch and listen carefully. Listen for not necessarily to what your manipulator says. Be constantly on the lookout for tactics. Label the tactics immediately when you detect them. Regardless of the kinds of tactics a manipulator is using, remember this fundamental rule: Don’t be swayed by the tactics themselves. Reinforce the idea in your mind that the manipulator is merely fighting for something. Then, respond solely on the basis of what you legitimately want or need. Don’t react instinctively or defensively to what they are doing. Take your own, independent, assertive stand.

Put Your Energy Where Your Power Is

Making headway in conflicts with aggressive and covertly aggressive personalities (or, for that matter, any personality) can only happen when you’re willing to invest your time and energy where you have unquestionable power: your own behavior.

Conducting yourself in relationships with covertly-aggressive people is never easy business. But there are some general rules that, if followed, can make life with them a whole lot easier. I call them tools of personal empowerment because they can help anybody maintain a position of strength in their interpersonal relationships.

Tools of Personal Empowerment

· Accept No Excuses

Don’t buy into any of the reasons (rationalizations) someone may offer… If someone’s behavior is wrong or harmful, the rationale they offer is totally irrelevant. The ends never justify the means. So no matter how much an “explanation” for a problem behavior seems to make sense, don’t accept it.

· Judge Actions, Not Intentions

Getting caught up in what might be going on in an aggressor’s mind is a good way to get sidetracked from the really pertinent issue. Judge the behavior itself.

· Set Personal Limits

Decide what types of behavior you will tolerate from another before taking some counter-action or deciding to disengage. Second, you must decide what action you’re both willing and able to take in order to take care of yourself.

· Make Direct Requests

When asking for things, be clear about what you want. Use “I” statements. Avoid generalities. Be specific about what it is you dislike, expect, or want from the other person. Use phrases like: “I want you to…” or “I don’t want you to… anymore.”

· Accept Only Direct Responses

Once you’ve made a clear, direct request, insist on a clear, direct answer. Whenever you don’t get one, ask again. Don’t do this in a hostile or threatening way, but respectfully assert the issue you raised is important and deserves to be forthrightly addressed.

· Stay Focused on the Here and Now

Your manipulator will probably try to throw you off track with diversionary and evasion tactics. Don’t let those tactics steer you away from the problem behavior you’re trying to confront. You must make the effort to stay focused, regardless of the tactics thrown at you.

· Keep the Weight of Responsibility on the Aggressor

If you’re confronting an aggressor (or any disorganized character, for that matter) about some inappropriate behavior, keep the focus on whatever they did to injure, no matter what tactics they might use to throw the ball back into your court.

· Avoid Sarcasm, Hostility and Put-downs

Aggressive personalities are always looking for an excuse to go to war. So they will construe any sort of hostility as an “attack” and feel justified in launching an offensive.

· Avoid Making Threats

Making threats is always an attempt to manipulate others into changing their behavior while avoiding making assertive changes for oneself. Never threaten. Just take action. Be careful not to counter-aggress.

· Take Action Quickly

A train without brakes rolling down a mountainside is easiest to stop when it begins to roll. Once it gains momentum, it’s too late to take effective action.
[I believe this is talking about something different than refusing to comply immediately with the request of a manipulator as mentioned by Harriet Braiker. I believe that more of this pertains to letting a manipulator know immediately where he stands with you and differs from jumping quickly to meet demands of a manipulator.]

· Speak for Yourself

Using others as a “shield” broadcasts your insecurity. Deal with your “opponent” on a one-to-one basis. Have the courage to stand up for what you want openly and directly.

· Make Reasonable Agreements

Make agreements that are appropriate, reliable, verifiable and enforceable.

· Propose Win-Win Scenarios

Doing this is extremely important and requires creativity and a particular mindset. But in my experience, it’s perhaps the single most effective personal empowerment tool because it puts to constructive use the aggressive personality’s determination to win.

· Be Prepared for Consequences

If for any reason, they feel defeated, they’re likely to try anything in order to regain the upper hand and a sense of vindication. It’s important to be prepared for this possibility and to take appropriate action to protect yourself.

· Be Honest with Yourself

Know and “own” your own agendas. Be sure of what your real needs and desire in any situation are. It’s bad enough that you can never be sure what a manipulator is up to. But deceiving yourself about your won wants and needs can really put you in double jeopardy.

Empowered Living

Even if you understand and follow all of the rules for more effectively engaging manipulators, life with them is not likely to be easy. However, life with them can be more tolerable, and you can lessen your chances of being victimized, if you keep your awareness high about what they are really like, what to expect from them, and how to empower yourself.

Excerpts from "In Sheeps Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People" by George K. Simon, Jr, PhD. Little Rock, AR: AI Christopher & Company. Original printing, November 1996; Ninth printing, September 2007.